Youth

I've got this new thing I've been doing at work. Everywhere on my floor the ceiling is maybe 9 ft. high except for corridor going though the middle of the building where the elevators are. Here the ceiling is quite a bit higher (~12 ft.?), and on each end of the corridor there are places where the 9 ft. ceiling stops and the 12 ft. ceiling starts. At some point during the last few weeks I started jumping to see how high I could touch on the wall going between the ceiling levels. I don't remember doing it for the first time, or why I decided to do it that first time (probably because I had a lot of energy after downing four cups of coffee or something). Now, however, I'm very aware of why I do it – it makes me feel younger.

Of course it's not immediately obvious why jumping at work equates to feeling younger, so I'll explain. The first sport I played regularly was basketball. My parents put me into a basketball league when I was six, and I played every year until I was 16 (at which point I decided to "dedicate" myself to Garfield baseball (retarded), which I ultimately quit (no pun intended) and moved onto bigger and better things with Garfield ultimate team and MoHo). I have distinct memories of being nine and "preparing" for my Saturday morning basketball game by running back and forth in my bedroom trying to run, jump, and touch my ceiling. I never really had great hops as compared to, say, good high school basketball players, but I definitely was springy as a kid. At my basketball peak – 8^th grade, when I played with my Hiawatha AAU team – I had a 26" vertical leap. I never quite got high enough to dunk, but I could certainly touch (and almost grab) rim.

I had a lot of fun playing basketball when I was younger. It's kind of a shame that I essentially quit playing once I got into high school, never even trying out for our school team. I had all kinds of excuses at the time. I think the one I used the most was not wanting to try-out my freshman year when I had played against Garfield's freshman team in one of my summer leagues (i.e. the coach already had his freshman picked). The real reason was that I was just scared. (well, and I was depressed as all hell, and was eating and getting fat, but whatever, not getting into that here). At Washington Middle School I was considered by many friends to be one of, if not the, best player in the school. Whatever. I knew better than that. I may have been the best during our lunch games that were made up of kids in the accelerated program, but those games were devoid of any of the local central district kids whom were the real ballers at the school. I had played against those guys in my rec league games, and I was barely average among them. So I stopped. Then I got fat. Then I started running to lose weight, any my vertical was never the same again. Sure, when playing ultimate I could still out-jump most people I played against but, on top of just being taller than most, that was aided by the fact that I knew how to time my jumps. I stuck with ultimate for a while, but by my junior year of college I had effectively quit playing ultimate (again for semi-bullshit reasons, though I feel those were a bit more valid) and thus quit jumping.

Over the last few years I haven't had the opportunity to jump. I don't play pick-up basketball or pick-up ultimate. There's nothing in my workouts that lead to jumping (though I may start integrating some plyometric jumping exercises soon). Coincidentally or not coincidentally, I started feeling older in the past year, and by feeling older I mean sensing a lessening of my youthful spirit. I'll grant that part of that was probably due to going through NE's furlough (regular pay periods resume this week!!!) – that shit was in no way easy (or even possible) to compartmentalize. But other than that, I can't really put a reason to why the spirit has been dwindling. Maybe it's due to my adult work environment. Most of NE's employees are in the 25-35 range, and most of them, though fun people, act like adults. Not that there's anything wrong with that, and not that that shouldn't be expected, but the fact remains that's there certainly a lack of youthful exuberance here which certainly isn't helping me feel young.

So why, at my tender age of 23, do I feel this need to feel young? Well, there's a special, unique kind of happiness that is associated with youth, one of innocence and naivety, one with which you just feel good because the most ludicrously simple things strike a happy chord inside of you. A couple of the employees here bring their kids to work and I recognize that in them immediately. Anything and everything is possible because they have no reason to think otherwise. I've noticed the same thing while reading the Harry Potter books. As much as I try to read the books in the state of mind of a 13 year-old I can't quite completely escape the reality of "what would actually happen in the real world." A group of teenage wizards taking on a group of adult wizards are dedicated to torturing and killing? No way they survive. But in the mind of a 13 year-old, sure, why not? Of course they could take them on. Sigh. Adulthood is all about learning what you're not allowed to do and what's not possible. And while that is ultimately unavoidable, there are things you can do that, even if only momentarily, can take you back to those special times. I've recently discovered that jumping is one of those things. I may only hang in the air for a quarter of a second, but during that time I manage to escape all of the ball-and-chains of the adult mindset.

And when I land, I always have a smile on my face.